Non-Conformity in an Industrial Society

My father is an engineer.  He follows all the rules.  He always has.  He respects those who follow the rules.  He believes it is the path to success.  At least this is how I see my father.

I was taught to work hard and never give up.  I was taught to do better than others.  I was taught to do the right thing even if nobody sees it or appreciates it.

What do you do when “the right thing” means living a life that is contrary to the values of society?  I am living a life that is unrecognizable to my father and others.  I believe there is a new way.  This way is not easier, but I believe it will lead to better long-term rewards.

The table is full.  It has been for a long time.  Nobody is even accepting reservations anymore.  Yet we are told to aspire for a seat at it.  Perhaps if we score high enough, if we never break any rules, if we think the way they want us to think – then, and perhaps only then – with a bit of luck, we might be asked to sit at this table.

But even then we are only allowed to sit at it until a better replacement is found.  The table wants the most unoffensive guests of course.  It wants the prettiest ones that it can get.  It wants the ones who will do the dishes and never complain about the food that is on offer.  It especially loves the guests who don’t eat too much.

Everything about modern society is already sculpted and designed in such a way where it feels that this is all we can truly aspire for.  We live in the most industrialized society on earth.  It was already largely conquered in the days of Carnegie and Rockefeller.  Since then it’s only been more of the same.  More industrialization.  More control.  More value to consumers.

Although my father influenced me greatly, my mother did too.  She taught me to never buy into the BS.  She taught me to think independently and question things.

They don’t let you come to the table when you ask too many questions.

What the world needs now is not more of the same.  We need something different.  We need people willing to risk the social ostracism and difficulties of living as a pauper in exchange for getting to actually be real people.  People who are truly free to say what needs to be said and to innovate and to question the established norms and to show others that there are other ways to live a life.

My web business didn’t fail because it was too bold.  No it wasn’t bold enough.  I tried to build it in the frameworks and context of what people wanted.  Consequently it became beige.  It was indistinguishable.  It was the same.  I felt that too and was uninspired by what it could be at it’s very best.

Seth Godin writes in “The Icarus Deception” that the assets that really matter in the new “Connection Economy” are:

• Trust
• Permission
• Remarkability
• Leadership
• Stories that spread
• Humanity:  connection, compassion, and humility

I do not know if I am capable of engendering the trust, I do not know if I can fully give myself the permission to be different, I don’t know how objectively remarkable my “products” are, I have a track record of inconsistent leadership, I do not know if I can relay my inner stories that reside upstairs into actual narratives that will be understood and that have the capacity to be sticky, I’m unsure of my ability to connect to others, sometimes I lack the compassion needed to empathize with others, and finally I have no humility.

Will I fail again?  Perhaps I will and in torrents.  I must stay committed because the other life is unlivable for me.  I haven’t tried sitting at the table many times.  I will create my own table and invite those who are awesome to come chill with me.  Perhaps it won’t be the shiniest table.  Perhaps I’ll have to serve McDonald’s sometimes.  But it will be mine.

The past few weeks I have been reluctant to engage in my real dreams.  I have looked high and low for an escape.  Every escape I found, I have come to realize, was just another attempt to try to sneak my way into a seat at the table.  Power doesn’t like me.  It’s greedy and doesn’t want to allow others to speak.

The true definition of insanity, it has been said, is repeating the same actions again and again with an expectation of different results.  I spent time pondering “get rich quick” schemes and going back to Uni for my MBA.  But why?

There is no other path and I cannot negotiate.  I am afraid.  Perhaps I’m even more afraid of this than I am about having a resurgence of “The Cancer.”  That’s exactly why it must be continued and why it is the only path that is right for me.

My mother and father are irrelevant in this decision.  This is what I must do for me.  Fuck the expectations of others.  They do not know what I know.  They have not studied what I have studied.  I cannot be angry with them for their judgments and their ignorance.  I have to try to find the patience once again.  I need to let these things roll off of me like beads of water upon a duck’s oily feathers.

“Ya gotta get that dirt off ya shoulders.”  – Jay-Z