It’s Faster Than You Can Know

I left Bahrain at the beginning of July in 2011.  It’s been five years, three months, and change since we were there during the Arab Spring of 2011.

There were so many emotions going on at that time.  I spent at least the final two or three months in a state of perpetual shock, anger, fear, and frustration because I had been told my contract wouldn’t be renewed for 2011-2012.

That’s another story for another time.

For today, I want to rewind back to August of 2010.  We arrived sometime around August 20th -25th.  Our hosts greeted us at the airport.  They were polite and helpful the whole time.  We looked forward to becoming close friends with them, especially since they were essentially the only other young couple at the school.  Weirdly enough, it was a situation where we felt aloof around our hosts.  Things didn’t click right.  We felt that something was off.  Despite our myriad attempts to get close to this couple, it just never quite worked out – we lacked a requisite sense of decorum, politeness, and social obtusiveness necessary for the real approval of this couple.  Instead we basically ended up on their hidden “morally grey/blackish people” list.

The last time we saw Tim, he was with his (now) ex-wife.  We ate at Sadie’s in the valley.  I don’t remember what I said, but there was a moment when I made a comment about a family who I felt had screwed me in Bahrain.  My mentor and mother’s ex-husband was there for the meal.  He had worked for Department of Defense schools for thirty years in Panama.  Both men didn’t say anything in response to whatever my comments were, and I remembered feeling a bit ashamed that I had succumbed to the pettiness of human emotions, least of all the most negative sorts of emotions:  anger, vengeance, grudge holding, and righteous indignation.

It was another case where I had learned that the world, even the best of it, doesn’t want you to dwell on the bad shit that happened and on the mishaps.  They want you to rise about it and move on.  This has always been a very hard lesson for me to learn.  I don’t move on easily at all.  I dwell and re-imagine what happened.  The tape gets stuck on repeat and I can’t just get past the injustices.

That was the last real face-to-face conversation I got to have with Tim.  I didn’t get to learn anything new or interesting about him.  I didn’t get to grow as I had so many times before – simply from the absorption of his wisdom.  Unfortunately that wasn’t what happened, unfortunately I focused the conversation onto some BS that couldn’t be changed and missed that opportunity.

Now I still have reasons to see Bahrain, but the thirst is about fifty percent diminished.

Tim was my compadre – he’s that person that makes a place.  He showed me around Manama.  We had some drinks here and there.  He had “the thirst” I’ll call it.  That insatiable desire to drink up every drop of life you can before it’s over.  I always have the most attraction in life to people of this sort.  The ones who treat every minute like it’s important.  If you are the focus of that attention, it’s important to be fully immersed and present in the moment and in the conversation.  The norm in life is having semi-real, semi-alert conversations with most people.  The sort where you can detect barriers almost immediately.  You know it will take years to have a meaningful relationship with this person.

Tim’s not that at all.  He immediately gives you it all and you can then decide how much you will reciprocate.

We started watching The Big Bang Theory because of his recommendation.

There were nights at Faisel’s.  So many great nights – the kind that ended at a nightclub sometimes.  Thursday night BBQ’s.  Wisdom, knowledge, tolerance – real American values shared from a real American hero.

Tim was in the Air Force.  He served in Somalia during the Black Hawk Down incident.  He once told me that he had to be treated for PTSD which is so hard to imagine because Tim seems so positive, upbeat, and cheery.  He’s always reminded me of a big fluffy dog – the sort that’s super friendly – like Beethoven  or something.  He had such energy, excitement, and enthusiasm – even when dead hungover or tired.

I’m a bit out of it to write this.  My buddy just responded to me so I’m going to his place to try and make some music.  I’ll return to this later.  There’s much, much more to say on this – but some might be difficult to access since it was 5-6 years ago.